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  • Writer's pictureAlasdair Bruce

What to do with stockpiled goods: Pro tips to get the most out of self-isolation supplies



With a London lockdown imminent, people have been stocking up on supplies in preparation for isolation and disruptions to supply chains. But how can we make the most out of what we stockpile? Here is some top advice.


Aside from the obvious stockpiling pro tip: don’t do it you greedy gobble gannets, there are a number of fun and enjoyable things to do with your spare time and excess shopping.

Covid-19 (which fits surprisingly well with the tune of Dexys Midnight Runners Come On Eileen) has seen the best and worst spring forth from the population.


In acts of communitarian solidarity, people have offered to shop for elderly people in their area so they don’t have to go out and risk contamination. At the same time, people have lied that the 200 rolls of loo paper they are buying is not for themselves, but for their streetful of incontinent neighbours.


Stockpilers have always been around, but the sense of impending doom portrayed in the media has unearthed some closet hoarders we never knew existed. Coronavirus has seen some strange habits of amassment emerge.


The most obviously stockpiled good is toilet paper, which makes me think there needs to be more clarity on the symptoms of Coronavirus.


Some Doomsday enthusiasts in America have been stockpiling guns. I am not sure that a gun battle with a virus would make for the best movie scene. If it did, it should be directed by Quentin Quarantino.


However weird your stockpiling tendencies are, here are some ways to use your goods that would otherwise gather dust.


A kitchen Slip N Slide would be a fun and hygienic way to put those 7000 bottles of hand-sanitiser to great use. Everyone loves slippy slides and even more people love detergent it seems. Simply smothering your torso and the kitchen floor in the gel-like substance makes for a mean substitute for Alton Towers Waterparks.



A similar technique can be undertaken to create your very own treadmill. By pouring the sanitiser on the floor and holding onto a stable surface, one can begin to slide one’s feet backwards in a walking motion. Exercise does not necessitate going to the cesspool of infection that is the gym, but can be done from the comfort of the kitchen.


For the single people self-isolating out there, there is a great way to put spare bog roll to use. One can fashion a rather comfortable chair to watch one’s favourite series, or conquer the world of gaming. Or practise social distancing by towering your chair over those of your peers.


The film Castaway highlighted the importance of fellowship during times of solitude. Chuck Noland, played by Tom Hanks, developed an inseparable companionship with Wilson, a volley ball. If you are feeling the crippling weight of imposed loneliness, take a leaf out of Chuck’s book and make your own friends by drawing happy and personable faces on the bountiful supply of eggs you inevitably panic-bought from Tesco.


Dried pasta has also flown from the shelves at the hands of corona-ridden fingers. A quick google of “pasta arts and crafts” will reveal a world of endless opportunity. By world, I mean a list of 15 fun crafts made out of dried pasta, from tortellini tiaras to penne placemats.


First Published: South West Londoner

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